Sandra Hill - [Jinx] by Pink Jinx

Author:Pink Jinx
Language: eng
Format: mobi, epub
Published: 0101-01-01T00:00:00+00:00

You could say she was a bayou Ann Landers. . . .

Could a man go from sane to insane in one hour?

That was the question Jake soon pondered. And the cause of his insanity? A constantly talking, outrageous, interfering midget of a woman who claimed she was sent by St. Jude to help them all because they were so hopeless.

Tony went off to buy a boat, leaving him with the Cajun dingbat. Smart guy! During that one-hour wait till Tony came back, Jake had had the pleasure of Tante Lulu’s sage advice all to himself.

“Whaddaya mean, you ain’t been to confession in five years? I knew there was a reason St. Jude sent me. I jist knew it. And doan you be tryin’ to tell me you ain’t sinned in all that time. I know what men like you are up to. I wasn’t born under a dummy rock, you know. Well, not to worry, we’ll get you back to the church once we come back from treasure huntin’. Meanwhile, you could make yer confession to me, iffen you wants.”

He didn’t want, he told her.

Then she’d started in on his poker playing. “Are you an attic?”

“Huh?”

“Are you an attic? Caint ya hear, boy? A gambling attic. You know, like a dope attic or a sex attic. I heard ’bout those sex attics on Jerry Springer. Didya know some peoples gotta have sex like twenty times a day? The mens mus’ have sore wee-wees. And the women . . . whew, betcha it hurts when they pee.”

Jake’s jaw dropped for about the tenth time by then. “No, I am not an addict,” he’d said finally.

Tante Lulu wasn’t buying that one bit. “They hold AA meetings at Our Lady of the Bayou church every other Monday, before bingo. I could introduce you to Father Bernard, iffen you wants.”

He didn’t want, he told her again.

After that, it was all downhill. “How come you and Ronnie keeps gettin’ divorced? I never did hold with divorce myself, ’ceptin’ where a man beats up on his woman, or she’s doin’ the hanky-panky with every man in sight. Or if he’s a mean drunk, which that rotten Valcour LeDeux is. He was my dead niece’s husband, bless her soul, John’s papa. I know it’s a sin to hate anyone, but I do hate that man. So? Answer my question.”

He hadn’t had a clue what her question was by then. But that didn’t stop her from continuing.

“People today think marriage is disposable, like diapers or tissues. They doan wait around long enough to make it work. What you two needs is to be locked up somewhere for a few weeks. Then you’d work yer problems out, guaranteed. Naked. Yep, you should be locked up naked. Works every time.”

He wasn’t about to ask how she would know that.

“Do you have a hope chest?” she asked out of the blue.

“A what chest?”

“Hope, boy, hope. You deaf or sumpin’?”

He rolled his eyes and bit his bottom lip to restrain himself from saying something foul.

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